Scrub, clean, pack and move!

Two days of scrubbing, vacuuming, steaming and cleaning out our new place.

Two days of packing and slowly moving our things over, little by little.

And two more days to go before the movers will come by for the actual move.

Stressed? Yup. Super stressed.

Tired? Yeah. Achy tired.

Yet I'm still up at 4 in the morning, having just finished reading "The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest".

Well, can't help it, it's such a good read. And it's simply irresistable, especially with Kimba snuggling by my side.

Taking a pause, to enjoy myself a bit. Stress? What stress?

Namaste,
Am










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It's a joke...

....and I don't freaking believe it!

Mom is still "angry" at me for "siding with an outsider against her mother", as she has called it, and totally cold-shouldered me when we bumped into each other last night.

Well, expected.

But what surprised me was my dad, who hung his head low and scurried after his wife, ignoring us when we addressed him.

I mean, he was the instigator of this ordeal, you know. If it wasn't for him and his big mouth, mother wouldn't have gotten into a big rage over a friend (who wasn't even directing her comments at my mother anyways!). And if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have gotten yelled at when I tried to explain things to my mother, who's obviously still thinking that cold shouldering me will make me feel bad.

I can't believe how dysfunctional a family I got until now, and it's such a joke. A Mickey Mouse dad with a Lion Queen mother, plus a self-pitying, borderline psychosis younger sister.

I wonder how "crazy" and "schizophrenic" I am in normal people's eyes, since, I'm from the same blood line afterall?

Honestly, something like this would've bothered me a lot in the past, but now...I'm just a bit disappointed. And I can't help but smile and ask, "is this some sort of modern day Adam's Family or what?"

Oh well.

Saturday, Feb 6, 2010: Openess

Openess.

The theme for both of the classes that I'm teaching today, one Open Level Power Yoga, and one Pre-natal Yoga.

Connecting with my students in a way that connects them to each other, even when they are not together in the same studio. Sharing this little secret of mine without actually telling them what it is.

Handed in my notice today. Hubby too.

Finally. Taking the leap.

I'm excited. I'm thrilled. I'm, afraid.

Afraid of the changes that's coming ahead. Of the uncertainty that awaits. Of the challenges that I'm about to face.

Yet, I feel free. I feel light and bright. And loved. Much loved.

What have I to fear when I have so much support and so much love around me. Backing me up, giving me the courage to dive in and to make change. Allowing me to feel safe, to feel suported, so I could maintain this openess, to welcome whatever life has planned for me.

Friends, teachers. Thank you all. For all your kindness and trust in me. And thank you hubby, for backing me up on this one.

Love you all.

You know who you are, people.

^_^

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2010 Resolution

This may seem a bit late, but i've just never gotten around to post this. So here it is, something that I've put down a few weeks back, in January.

My resolution for 2010:

First and foremost, to walk out from darkness and into the light.

Completely let go / detach from of all negative influences around me.

Enjoy my life the way I'm supposed to, not the way people wanted me to.

All in all, to live and breathe responsibly, healthily, and happily.

But what/why/how/when?

Finish off reno and move into our bigger and better new home.

Revision of class pay and working terms at the studio. If not, change, or take a break from teaching.

Travel, travel, travel! Yoga, yoga, yoga! Yoga retreats? Workshops? Immersions? Hmmm....

Get health insurance done for parents and in-law, so they'll be covered and we won't have to worry anymore.

Finalize any ramaining financial planning so we will be secure for the next little while.

Time out with the kids as much as I could.

Breathe. Laugh.

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Berserk, again

Well this is actually a belated post.

Mom went berserk on me again.

This time, over a simple comment that I made trying to calm her down from wrongly accusing some innocent soul of bad-mouthing her. As I was there, I knew that whatever the conversation was about, it wasn't directed at her. I just couldn't understand how the information could've gotten so twisted and how Mom could've heard about it. Guess I'll have to ask my smartie pants of a father to find out why and what he has told her. What did he say to have gotten her so reactive and upset, really? So worked up that I couldn't even clarify the issue with her.

And now she's full blown pissed at me again.

*sigh*

What can I say? It's been like this all these years, me taking everything, from irrational beatings when I was a kid, to periodic mental toutures like this.

Honestly? I don't give a damn anymore. I know I have given all I can and it's time to take a step back and let go.

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.

What the heck.

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